Enjoying the Seasons

As summer fast approaches, many of our schoolbooks start to be put on the shelf and our thought turn to the outdoors and summer adventures. For many homeschool parents, we evaluate the past year and look forward to the coming year and all the new things we want our children to experience and learn.

If you’re like me, you may give way to thoughts like, “I could have done more. . . .” I sometimes look at other homeschooling moms and observe, “Look at all they’ve done! We didn’t do all that!” I compare myself to Sister Jones, who is so involved in volunteer work in the community, or Sister Smith, who is always serving another family and is always so “put together.” Then again there is Sister Clark, her house is always so clean...

I tend to get caught up in thinking my children and I should be doing as much as all of these other homeschool families put together.

Wait! Take a deep breath! Think about all the great things you did do. Enjoy the satisfaction of the accomplishments and memories you did make during the year.

As we evaluate the past year and make plans for the next, here are a few “Seasons of Life” suggestions to think about. Realizing each season of our lives has different priorities; the important thing is that we move forward, enjoying each season as it is here, that we make our plans based on that season and our individual mission, remembering to create memories as we go.

Enjoy the season. Enjoy each season to the fullest! Understand that each season is unique as to the experiences and opportunities it brings. The precious time you spend with a new baby in your arms, the days of the wonderful “twos,” and those teenage years with all the pain of sprouting wings. Don’t be anxious to have those days pass by.

When you have only small children, your challenges and demands are different than when teens come on the scene. Each season demands energy, just in different ways. Savor the joys and frustrations that come with each. “Give thanks.”

Create memories. Create memories for a lifetime. Time really does fly "on wings of lightning” (Hymns, no. 226). It is too precious to let slip away without enjoying the daily blessings that each season brings. Create memories with each season you are in. Before you get angry with a child who has just smeared Crisco all over himself and the kitchen, take a picture—then clean it up.

Look for adventures while your children are still mobile (no jobs or other obligations), building memories and finding new learning experiences that will mold their lives. Take pictures, ask them to write about it, talk about it—even the youngest can draw pictures in their journal of the memories they are building.

Resist comparisons. You don’t have to do more or be better than the family down the street. The talents and abilities that you have aren’t more or less valued because of what someone else does or doesn’t do. Use your talents and abilities to educate your children during each stage of their lives. Sharing experiences with other homeschooling families is great, but not when you share, then compare, then beat yourself up with feelings of inferiority because you perceive your family to be on the short end of the comparison.

Include service. Take time to serve where you can. It adds to the life experience we are seeking. But in serving, be respectful of where you are in life and what demands are being placed on you and your capacity to bear them.

This service is not always focused on the community; service begins at home and builds outward. The Lord builds what he needs at home. Take some time to reflect on the great service you provide your family right in the walls of your own home, and the service opportunities that can be learned from your children.

Service is something that has a place in every season of life and helps each season be more satisfying and meaningful. How much and where it is given varies with our life season and where we are.

Growth comes from stretching ourselves. The more we serve, the easier it becomes; not that the service becomes easier, but rather our ability increases.

Don’t “fly” faster than you are able. If we were all expected to be doing the same thing all the time, life would be very boring. Very little would get done. At different stages in our lives we have different energy levels. Like the geese that fly in a “V,” we change positions according to our energy levels, but we are all part of making the whole flight easier.

Just as each season in nature brings joys unique to its time, so do the seasons of our lives. The blessings of the homeschooling seasons give us unique opportunities. Enjoy them! Make the most of them! Treasure all that they offer.

Jolene Irving

Roses, Thorns, and Rosebuds

Several years ago during one of our evaluation meetings a new concept was introduced called “Roses, Thorns, and Rosebuds.” I found this drill extremely effective and insightful and have adopted this in most of my evaluation meetings since.

What is it? At the beginning of the evaluation, before details are discussed, I ask each attendee to name three things:

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  A rose: something good that came from the event being discussed.
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  A thorn: a struggle that was learned from. 
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  A bud: something to look forward to next time.

As this is being done, only the person speaking has the floor. No interruptions or comments are allowed from anyone else.

I find this effective and insightful for many reasons. It helps give balance and perspective. It lets me know where each member is coming from and what affected her the most. It also points out the strengths before the weaknesses and gives balance and a place for both. It helps put everyone in a good frame of mind for deeper discussion of details.

When leading any kind of evaluation is it important for the leader to remain positive and keep comments about the event on the “event,” not on individuals. It is the event that is being evaluated, not the people themselves. If you can keep this perspective a lot of uncomfortable feelings will be saved and the evaluation can be powerful.

While on the subject of perspective, I once heard a story about a wise man that picked a long-stemmed rose from his garden. As he walked down the road with it he met three people along the way. The first person he met commented about the dirt hanging from the stem. The wise man removed some of the dirt and gave it to him. The next person he passed commented on the sharp thorns poking out from the stem, so the wise man removed a thorn and gave it to this person. The third person he met noticed the beautiful rose and took in a whiff of the sweet fragrance. Of course to this person the wise man gave the rose. Each person was given that which he noticed first: one seeing the dirt, another the thorns, and another the beautiful rose. They all saw the same long-stemmed rose, but each focused on different things.

  

Recognizing that a beautiful long-stemmed rose consists of all these parts (dirt, thorns, and roses) that together create the beauty of the rose is significant. Putting each in its proper perspective and drawing on the strengths of each is important.

When we go into any experience, project, or assignment, we will find that which we are looking for. The attitude with which we approach the event or the evaluation makes all the difference, not just for us but for those we work with. Keeping our eye on the rose (the good things that have happened), being aware that every beautiful rose has thorns (things struggled with), and always looking for the bud (a promise of great and exciting things ahead), will make the difference with seeing the success and feeling accomplished with what we have done and are doing.

Jolene Irving

Clutter

As organizational leaders, we must deal with expectations—our own and those placed on us by others. If we are not careful to maintain perspective, those expectations can result in “leadership clutter.” We will get bogged down trying to meet everyone’s expectations, and then find that we cannot do the “true job” we were asked to do.










Here are five types of leadership clutter to avoid:









1. “I can’t say no” clutter. If you can’t say “no” to responsibilities that others should assume, your responsibilities will suffer. Finding a happy balance, knowing your limits, and setting boundaries regarding your time and effort will make the job easier for everyone. Just because someone makes a suggestion that might help the organization doesn’t mean that you have to do it. Try saying “That’s a great idea. Why don’t you put it together for us?” Being able to say “no” is a form of respect and avoids problems that can quickly turn into crises and burnout.









2. “I’ll do it myself” clutter. It is important to know the talents and strengths of your people. Let them serve where their strengths are, and build your program around those strengths. Keep in mind that if there is no one to do the job, maybe it doesn’t need to be done at this time. As a leader, there is much that you have to do yourself. Be careful not to hand over responsibilities that you need to do, even when you don’t enjoy doing them. At the same time, let others do what they can.









3. “I have to fix all the problems” clutter. As a leader, you may feel that you need to fix all the problems and do what everyone else thinks should be done. This is not so! You cannot be everything for everyone all the time. Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking that you have to fix everything. Keep your vision clear. Don’t be distracted. Some people mistakenly feel that those in leadership positions should have all the answers and solve all the problems. Wrong!









4. “They don’t understand” clutter. As a leader, you will occasionally feel that no one understands what you are doing, why you are doing it, and what you are going through. There is one alone that understands and can be your support. When you are feeling this way, quickly go to your knees and ask for His assurance, then get back to work. This feeling is a waste of time. Only when you don’t have His assurance do you need to question what you are doing. Keep your vision clear for what your purpose is, and then keep moving forward.









5. “Always on the job” clutter. Do you feel like you must be “on” all the time? This is the number one cause of burnout. Get better organized. Establish set times that you will spend on your leadership responsibilities so you don’t have to be thinking and doing “leadership stuff” all the time. You do have other responsibilities in life that are just as important, if not more so. They require time and energy as well. Remember the counsel in D&C 10:4, “Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided. . . be diligent unto the end.”









Do the best you can; it is enough.









Jolene Irving

Preparing for the New Year

As the end of the year approaches (even though it is not the end of our school year), it is a time for my family and I to re-evaluate where we are and if we are accomplishing the things we set out to do.

I have a bad habit of generating many lists. Lists of activities I would like to do, thinking I can do all of them, when in reality there really isn't enough time in the year. I even added activities our kids weren't really interested in or wanted to be a part of.

My lists tend to back fire on us. Why? Because we burn ourselves out. If we didn't do everything on those lists, I didn't feel like we accomplished anything. Ever fet that way?

I now make a list and a good calendar of what "has" to happen. I look at what time I have to fill. Then I quickly realize that everything I'd like to do fills a 2 - 4 year plan. Due to time, interests and funds - which are always changing - I often re-evaluate our plans at this time of year.

I personally like having an idea of what we would like to do over the year. I have learned to know the blessings of being flexible enough to take advantage of opportunities that pop up and are worth changing plans for.

It is important to involve your children in creating your yearly plans. Periodically check with them along the way to see if the subjects/activities still fit their interest or if that interest has already been met. You will then know that it is time to move on to something else. It is pretty amazing to see the kids come up with their own ideas, things you may have never have thought of on your own. Many times it will be things you haven't been interested in but if given a chance, you find a new interest along the way.

Academics are important, living life and dealing with changes are vital. We are always in a state of planning, executing, evaluating then planning again. It is part of life, a part of life worth embracing, because the only constant in life is change.

I also like to make it a priority to have time for myself. If I don't keep my well filled, I have nothing to give my family and consequently they will suffer. As you seek to fill your well, seek out a Homeschool Conference or two to attend. Go and you find answers, and encouragement. This is so needed. Interactions with like-minded people are always a plus.

Suggestions for your activities calendar:

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  FHE, YM/YM, Church activities 
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  Holidays 
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  Vacations 
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  School schedule 
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  Homeschool activities 
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  Sports activities 
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  Field trips 
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  Conferences

Watch how fast the time fills in. Make sure you allow for the things that are most important to your family and try not to over schedule. Down time is as important as any other activity you might plan.

If a whole year is overwhelming for you, take it a month at a time or a season at a time. I have found that if I ‘fail to plan,' I can ‘plan to fail' or at best clumsily struggle along.

Jolene Irving

Christmas Talent Show

For many years our support group has sponsored a Christmas Talent Show and Party the beginning of each December. This has become a much loved and looked forward to event for many families. In Houston, we are spread over about 150 mile area and have enjoyed formal events like this for a larger number of families to gather.

This seasonal party is a family event, especially loved by our younger children, but our teens have also enjoyed the gathering; more so as they participate. It is a time for something a little special to dress-up for and celebrate the season.

We have loved having the dads be able to join us so we usually plan this as an afternoon event where it might be easier for dads to take off work. We found evenings, especially in December, are too hard to find.

The one constant we have done over the years is the Talent Show. Any family, individual or group is welcome to perform. We have tried to keep the program more on the spiritual side of the holiday and ask that each performance be well prepared and rehearsed. This has not always happened but is encouraged. A good MC can bring this all together in a fun, uplifting and rewarding way.

A few times we have given participation awards for those who perform. We have never given awards for best song, etc. because that takes away from the joy of sharing our talents with each other. This is not a competitive event.

Some other things we have done around the Talent Show have included: doing a pot luck lunch, having a morning full of classes, a cooking exchange or book exchange and a nativity (with clothes for everyone to dress up in). Once in awhile we have had a special speaker.

Our support group has grown so large that it is getting harder to find a place to bring everyone together, but this same event done in smaller groups still gives the same experience on a more intimate level, allowing more time for everyone to participate.

This has been a great way to start the holiday season with friends and family, feeling the joy of this incredible season. Don’t forget to have those cameras on hand for the fun pictures that will surely be there.

Jolene Irving

Diplomacy in Leadership

Leaders should make those they lead feel successful. Leaders that have learned the art of diplomacy have a powerful tool in achieving that end. Making others feel successful is challenging, especially when emotions are high, but when situations are handled diplomatically, those emotions are respected, corrections are made, and learning is gained from each experience

Let’s explore some ways leaders can use diplomacy in helping others feel successful.

First, let others talk. Sit back and listen with an open mind. Be a safe place for ideas to flow. When people feel that they can talk and that they are heard, they feel accepted and valued. Help everyone feel heard by truly listening and trying to see where they are coming from.

Second, explore options in a non- threatening way. Remember that word choice and tone of voice can dramatically impact the discussion. Choose your words wisely and maintain a pleasant, non-accusatory tone of voice. Use words that won’t put people on the defensive, or make it “their” fault. Even when an event is a complete failure, something can be learned from it, and that is what should be pointed out.

Third, keep the focus on the issue and not on individual personalities. If leaders do not stay focused on the issue, those they lead may quickly fix on the personalities involved and not on the issues at hand.

Fourth, don’t criticize in public or during an event. In diplomacy, timing is crucial; it can make all the difference. Hold your comments for the right time and place. Leaders that are sensitive to timing quickly gain the respect of those they lead, who are then more willing to listen because they are not in fear of being put down in front of the whole group. Keep in mind, most of us are working in groups made up of volunteers; the service they give is from the heart.

Fifth, be quick to compliment. Note the good things that happen and make mention of them in a timely manner. Note the problems, too, but consider carefully how to handle them. Leaders can be pleasantly surprised at how fast problems will go away when attention is not given to them. If, after some time has elapsed, the problem needs to be handled, be considerate of the feelings involved and don’t dwell the entire time on what went wrong. Keep the focus on the event, not on the person.

Sixth, when evaluating an event, take care not to put down the previous event in trying to say how successful this one was. Each event can be equally successful with strengths of its own, not because it was better than another one. Though you may think you are talking about “events,” people feel ownership of the events they helped organize. Emphasize the success that has been experienced, and the personal growth that has been accomplished. When you recognize and point out success, confidence is built and respect is strengthened.

Finally, don’t take criticism personally or be defensive about it. If you feel like verbally attacking members of your group because they criticized you, don’t! If you feel defensive, hold your tongue until you can gain some perspective, which often comes with time. Decide from the start not to take anything personally. Taking offense is a choice. Make the choice not to be offended. No matter what, you can’t please everyone.

Diplomacy is the hardest of all leadership skills to master, but it is the most valuable tool in a leader’s talent inventory. It builds confidence and makes the volunteer work we do more rewarding and successful.

Jolene Irving

A Royal Generation

We preach to our children that they are the Royal Generation; I think all too often we forget the we are part of that royal generation. We have been sent here for a specific purpose in this, the last, dispensation, the dispensation of the fullness of time. We were among the most valiant, chosen to come in this day and age, to help prepare for His coming. We are brothers and sisters with our children in this cause. As you read the following quote, read it as it applies to you, as well as your children:

“My dear friends, you are a royal Generation. You were preserved to come to this earth in this time for a special purpose. Not just a few of you, but all of you. There are things for each of you to do that no one else can do as well as you. If you do not prepare to do them, they will not be done. Your mission is unique and distinctive for you. Please don’t make another have to take your place. He or she can’t do it as well as you can. If you will let Him, I testify that our Father in Heaven will walk with you through the journey of life and inspire you to know your special purpose here.” (H. Burke Peterson, New Era, Oct. 2001, 34)

The charge that has been given to “raise the bar,” all too often is thought to only apply to our youth as measurement for serving missions. This charge also belongs to us, you and me, the mothers and fathers. We need to step up a little stronger, be a little bolder. How can the youth raise the bar if we are not willing to do the same and do our part, and remember who we are as well.

Edmund Burke said, “The only thing needed for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.” Good things don’t just happen from passive involvement. It takes willingness, work, and giving more of ourselves than we thought we had, to make good things happen for ourselves and our youth.

The fact that you are homeschooling speaks volumes of who you are. Now a little more is needed. Don’t be afraid to step out. He has need of you to fill the purpose that he has sent you here for!

The service that each one of us has to give is equally vital, equally as long-lasting and equally as far-reaching as any great service ever rendered. Don’t say, I’m not good enough, or I don’t have anything to give, orI can’t do what she/he does, so I won’t even try. The Lord will give you what you need as you prepare and desire to serve.

You are among the most valiant, saved for this day and age! “I plead with you to chose the hard way and use the full extent of your talents” (Thomas S. Monson, “Decisions Determine Destiny,” New Era, Nov. 1979, 4).

Don’t sell yourself short. The service, the influence you have is of eternal value. The work you do in your own home is of eternal importance and will be more far reaching than you know.

Jolene Irving